9 Tips on Positive Parenting that works!

It was month of February 2014 when my daughter Siddhi turned two. I was juggling my office & house work together. We were experiencing joys of terrible twos. Separation anxiety was at the peak & tantrums were reaching new heights.

There was restructuring in my Organization. One of my colleague who was also a mother was fired. There was lot of uncertainty of what was going to happen to my job.

Siddhi was giving me tough time as she was away for the whole day from me at the daycare. Everything was quite overwhelming & depressive. I was feeling  not good enough mother or being wife. Nothing seemed good at that moment.

Something had to be changed the way we were parenting as we were exhausted. My toddler was not capable of  understanding & following whatever rules we would set for her. She didn’t had cognitive ability to understand.

However setting rules, getting angry was not the solution for our problem, it was just opposite what we would do. Then we came across positive parenting concept where we take a gentle steps towards positive disciplining that keeps our kids on right path i.e positive parenting approach.

It took me few more months to make shift in the way we approach in order to form beautiful bond of mom-daughter relation and start enjoying the life more.

Here are little changes we started to make in our day to day lives:

Giving attention

Believe it or not, if I would just stop whatever I was doing & switch attention to my kid it got easier to get more things done. For just short duration we would do simple activity which we both enjoyed. When she would return from the daycare we spent more time as my husband would help us fixing our dinner & with other chores.

Showing Affection

We hugged more often. I let her hold my hand while she was sleeping.  My most awaited moment of the day used to be when I walked in her daycare & look into her room through glass window in corridor. Then suddenly she would catch me looking at her. She would run towards the door and would launch herself into my waiting arms. I hugged as long as she wanted without letting me first go. every time & every day.

Talking often

For her age Siddhi’s vocabulary is fantastic. She can have quiet good conversation for her age. One thing that helped was we talked & talked about things she was more interested in.

Giving specific praise

I remember when we struggled with potty training. Praise & positive feedback helped her without going in circles to get trained quicker. I was complimenting her every time she used potty. In a very short time she switched quickly  from potty chair to the toilet. What i realized is that we need to give specific praise for e.g instead of saying “very good” I would say  e.g “You washed your hands very well”

Getting Bored

I often wondered what to do home alone with Siddhi. It was quite natural to feel unpleasant when alone. We did lot of activities outdoors & when at home like swimming cooking, meeting new friends on play dates. Also we had lot of material for the time when we needed to be inside like play doughs colored pencils & tents.

Demonstrate what you want them to do

I like to have control on things but was often left with anger & frustrations when it didn’t turned out the way i would want. Siddhi was picking up on my cues. I needed to change it if not for me for her. So speaking up in polite manner by saying ‘Please’ & ‘Thank you’  with her helped us. Also complimenting her when she did  speak in polite manner encouraged her to keep up positive vibes. I am in awe when her immediate  prompt is ‘Bless you mama’  when  I sneezed.

How to react when they don’t listen to you

After all it is an parenting  journey that we both are working on.  I still get  frustrated when Siddhi don’t listen & act naughty. I make it clear that she needs to stop. Also I don’t forget to compliment her if she listens to me & if not I would take away her favorite toy as a realistic punishment.

Being Realistic

All the children are naughty & disobedient. Being realistic & understanding there is no such thing as perfect parents  helped us avoid disappointment. We realized constantly trying to be a perfect parent might lead to problems.

Take good care of Yourself
Take good care of yourself. It is difficult to be calm & relaxed as a parent when you are tense, worried or depressed. Try to take time off every week to relax or do things that you mostly enjoy. Remember there is no such thing as supermom. Also did you even let yourself go on guilt trip.? Please read this Do not ever let you go on guilt trip.

I hope this simple tips could make our life easier & simpler when we are wits end with our toddlers. It has made our bond stronger. I feel I am more in control by implementing this simple tips. I hope this tips will bring you more good days then bad days. If you liked this post please follow me.

What to do when you are at wits end with your Toddler

It was month of February 2014 when my daughter Siddhi turned two. I was juggling my office & house work together. We were experiencing joys of terrible twos. Separation anxiety was at the peak & tantrums were reaching new heights.

There was restructuring in my Organization. One of my colleague who was also a mother was fired. There was lot of uncertainty of what was going to happen to my job.

Siddhi was giving me tough time as she was away for the whole day from me at the daycare. Everything was quite overwhelming & depressive. I was feeling  not good enough mother or being wife. Nothing seemed good at that moment.

what to do when you are your wits end with your toddler

Something had to be changed the way we were parenting as we were exhausted. My toddler was not capable of  understanding & following whatever rules we would set for her. She didn’t had cognitive ability to understand.

However setting rules, getting angry was not the solution for our problem, it was just opposite what we would do. Then we came across positive parenting concept where we take a gentle steps towards positive disciplining that keeps our kids on right path i.e positive parenting approach.

It took me few more months to make shift in the way we approach in order to form beautiful bond of mom-daughter relation and start enjoying the life more.

Here are little changes we started to make in our day to day lives:

Giving attention

Believe it or not, if I would just stop whatever I was doing & switch attention to my kid it got easier to get more things done. For just short duration we would do simple activity which we both enjoyed. When she would return from the daycare we spent more time as my husband would help us fixing our dinner & with other chores.

Showing Affection

We hugged more often. I let her hold my hand while she was sleeping.  My most awaited moment of the day used to be when I walked in her daycare & look into her room through glass window in corridor. Then suddenly she would catch me looking at her. She would run towards the door and would launch herself into my waiting arms. I hugged as long as she wanted without letting me first go. every time & every day.

Talking often

For her age Siddhi’s vocabulary is fantastic. She can have quiet good conversation for her age. One thing that helped was we talked & talked about things she was more interested in.

Giving specific praise

I remember when we struggled with potty training. Praise & positive feedback helped her without going in circles to get trained quicker. I was complimenting her every time she used potty. In a very short time she switched quickly  from potty chair to the toilet. What i realized is that we need to give specific praise for e.g instead of saying “very good” I would say  e.g “You washed your hands very well”

Getting Bored

I often wondered what to do home alone with Siddhi. It was quite natural to feel unpleasant when alone. We did lot of activities outdoors & when at home like swimming cooking, meeting new friends on play dates. Also we had lot of material for the time when we needed to be inside like play doughs colored pencils & tents.

Demonstrate what you want them to do

I like to have control on things but was often left with anger & frustrations when it didn’t turned out the way i would want. Siddhi was picking up on my cues. I needed to change it if not for me for her. So speaking up in polite manner by saying ‘Please’ & ‘Thank you’  with her helped us. Also complimenting her when she did  speak in polite manner encouraged her to keep up positive vibes. I am in awe when her immediate  prompt is ‘Bless you mama’  when  I sneezed.

How to react when they don’t listen to you

After all it is an parenting  journey that we both are working on.  I still get  frustrated when Siddhi don’t listen & act naughty. I make it clear that she needs to stop. Also I don’t forget to compliment her if she listens to me & if not I would take away her favorite toy as a realistic punishment.

Being Realistic

All the children are naughty & disobedient. Being realistic & understanding there is no such thing as perfect parents  helped us avoid disappointment. We realized constantly trying to be a perfect parent might lead to problems.

Take good care of Yourself
Take good care of yourself. It is difficult to be calm & relaxed as a parent when you are tense, worried or depressed. Try to take time off every week to relax or do things that you mostly enjoy. Remember there is no such thing as supermom. Also did you even let yourself go on guilt trip.? Please read this Do not ever let you go on guilt trip.

I hope this simple tips could make our life easier & simpler when we are wits end with our toddlers. It has made our bond stronger. I feel I am more in control by implementing this simple tips. I hope this tips will bring you more good days then bad days. If you liked this post please follow me.

Mother’s Day Is here!

Most of the countries including India will celebrate Mother’s day on MAY 10th. Everyone will celebrate  this special day to appreciate how much a mom does to their family. I want to dedicate this post to my mom who is a grateful & giving Mom. I watched her open up our home for many people host/entertain and give us love unconditionally. This year you could order beautiful Earrings as small token of gift for my mom on this Mother’s day from Amazon which is there deal of the day offer. To honor my mom & all the mothers everywhere, I compiled some very inspirational Mothers Day quotes.

               Happy Mothers Day

All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother–Abraham Loncoln

Life began with waking up and loving my mothers face– George Eliot

I remember my mother’s prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life –Abraham Loncoln

Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children.-William Makepeace Thackeray

For when a child is born the mother also is born again –Gilbert Parker

I got to grow up with a mother who taught me to believe in me –Antonio Villaraigosa

No Gift to your mother can even equal her gift to you.

To all the beautiful mothers & soon to be mothers who gave us life and love wishing you a Happy Mothers DAY!

7 Things you shouldn’t be guilty about as a Mom!

Next time you are going to feel guilty about not doing enough for your kin please stop yourself. Today’s mom go through so many guilt trips due to cultural values & high expectations from themselves. Even though they are balancing households & are strong support of family we tend to blame ourselves for not being best. Indeed if your actions are anything as listed  below spare yourself from going on a guilt trip

Giving yourself a break, ME time:

Sometimes you feel you are stuck in rut just catching up with your old friend over a coffee or just a good 30 minutes workout which is enough to keep you going for weeks.Giving yourself a break or doing anything that makes your happy. After all I read somewhere “Happy mom is Happy baby”. So don’t be too hard on yourself. Enjoy the break without beating yourself too much and missing your child.

 When you  are working outside :

When working outside you are supporting your family and your family is not dependent just on man of house financially. Moreover you are inspiration to your daughters & future daughter in laws who will look up to you. You do not have to be apologetic because you are contributing greatly to your family & society. You may feel apologetic of leaving your kid  with the other caretakers. But letting your kids to be around other caretakers boosts their feeling of being part of community and improve their social skills. After all babies/kids are highly adaptable then we think.

Using TV  as babysitter:

When you have no one really to help you finish making a lunch or take up that important conference call, letting your child watch his favorite program or play that brain stimulating app on tablet is a GO for me. However moderation is key. Using TV/Tablet in moderation as a entertainment form is perfectly appropriate to help pass that afternoon quite time. However for kids under age 2 shouldn’t have any screen exposure.

Feeding PB & J Sandwich, Junk food:

Sometimes you are sick or you are tired of cooking after stressful day you just want to finish the chore by ordering a takeaways or make a cheese toast and call it a day off . It is okay, As long as it is not daily occurrence, you shouldn’t let feelings of guilt drive what you eat. I agree it is not healthy, but beating up about it & raising your stress level is neither.

Yell at your kids:

Sometimes when your child is acting crazy and you are stressed you may raise your voice on  your child. After that you are already feeling drained and upset about it. But take it as learning opportunity to manage your stress levels. You can think about how to respond in better manner. Remember we are not perfect & there is always chance of improvement.

Being unable to afford expensive activities:

Most important thing your kid can get is love & your time. Rather then beating up on this, you can find what activites you can do together like visiting nearby parks or library’s that often provide free activities for the kids. Just a stroll out of house will freshen up your child. Let them explore the nature. You can also do simple activities mentioned here.

Enjoying the treat while your kid is fast asleep:

You are doing a great job of being a parent, but it also leads to lot of stress & tiredness. So if you gorge on cookie dough ice cream while enjoying the late night TV shows go for it without letting you run a guilt trip because this one you totally earned it.

Do you agree with this ? was there a time where you full of guilt but then realize you shouldn’t had, I would love to hear your story. Please leave a comment below.

Dear parents of little ones: cherish this days, even the harder ones!

As Siddhi my 3 year old  finished her nighttime routine of teeth and bedtime story she declared “I am grown up kid mama” like a true warrior. “I want to sleep in my own room today”. I was in disbelief knowing she will not sleep alone, but agreed that if she wants she could. I tucked her in the bed and said Goodnight and switched off the lights. She even refused my offer to be with her while she falls asleep. I closed the door and  was waiting outside for her call.

She continued talking to her imaginary friend ‘Sonya’ along the lines “She is grown up kid”.  Sometimes she tells me she has an imaginary friend named ‘Sonya’ who is with her all the time . After a few minutes I went back to check on her, She was holding a pink teddy in her hand and was fast asleep, just looking at her peaceful face tears rolled down my face. .

We exclusively nursed her for a year & she needed to nurse to sleep. We weaned her then she would hold my hand to fall asleep and would wake up in middle of night & cry if she wouldn’t find my hand. Since then I always wondered when will she fall asleep independently. I couldn’t wait for the time when she will be less dependent on me.  I was tired of my aching right hand every morning. I wanted my hand back at night.

A year later we weaned her from hand holding but then singing lullabies, drinking water and bed time stories non stop till she falls asleep took over precedence. It was quite overwhelming for me with constant bedtime struggles. I didn’t realize then she needed my attention,  but then I was so overwhelmed & exhausted I just wanted my me time, the time when she sleeps. Though she was taking little steps towards independence I couldn’t wait for that time when I would have my bed just for myself.

For the first time today my baby  was sleeping in her room and my heart was pounding. My bedroom felt like vast chasm of emptiness.In first three three years of her life we co-slept. It occurred naturally for us to co-sleep. I didn’t expected transition will happen anytime soon.

But today I was not going to get bugged.That’s when i got it.

I always thought I am going to enjoy the freedom that comes with self reliance of the child. Something you didn’t dare tell someone else. I was wrong . Even though they want to own their new found independence they still belong to you and need care & support.

Do not make mistakes I made.You will be tired & exhausted in first three years. Take a deep breath slowdown & remember that sweet memories are created with your baby when you are present there with them.

Do not make the time that you must enjoy into most hated moment. Your child is just a flower bud which needs sun & water.

Was there a time when you think you should have enjoyed your time with your child but didn’t ? I ‘d love to hear about it. Please leave a comment below.

Spring Is Here, In Full Swing!

Spring is in full swing in Holland.  During this season Japanese tuin (garden) in The Hague  is open for public  only for 6 weeks due to its fragile nature. It is magnificent  park with rare trees & plant. Atmosphere is truly surreal & serene as it has a moss cover.

I visited Japanese gardens today. Here are some flower & nature pictures from Japanese tuin specially for my Indian friends who are warming up for summer.

Very Shortly flower bud  will bloom into a beautiful & smiling daffodils

Don’t know what they are called but they looked utterly calm.

proud red roses are already opened

Serene pond of Japanese tuin

Another view of pond

Not roadway to garden but spring of 2015

White Daffodils welcoming spring

Keukenhof is another place in Holland which  is called as most beautiful spring garden. I plan to write up follow up of spring series as we visit  keukenhof. Thanks for reading. If you liked this post please share it.

Dear parents of little ones: cherish this days, even the harder ones!

Dear parents of little ones: cherish this days, even the harder ones!.

The 11 most exciting moments of Pregnancy

Being pregnant is like sitting on roller coaster rides with lots of ups and down. Read on to know what pregnancy feels like at every stage.

You aren’t feeling well and visit the doctor to find out you are being diagnosed with…

Every smell and taste of food gets you hung over without having any alcohol previous night.

Month later or so when your pregnancy craving kick in and you are very hormonal.

And your husband is please god help my wife to balance herself .

And finally when morning sickness is over &  you want to gorge on food in middle of night

A  month later you either are in tears or want to kill a person who asks “Are you sure you only 4 monthspregnant , you look huge”

When you are worried you baby isn’t moving in second or third trimester in pregnancy at all and suddenly baby decide to kick in.

When you are finally having a baby and you want to keep your friends posted about every contraction

If you had a natural birth and you put on ‘brave’ or ‘martyr’ face & someone says  “Isnt natural childbirth beautiful” ?

And if you opted for elective c-section you are like

When you finally meet your baby for the first time and you totally forgot all the pain you went through in pregnancy and to have them then you have…

How I used “Find my phone” app

Recently I read an article on toddler addicted to tablet.

“The day I realized my toddler was addicted to the iPad”

Toddlers getting increasingly obsessed, violent behavior observed due to use of tablet.My Daughter too loves her iPad and is using it since she was 2 year. The way she opens apps, YouTube like a pro amazes me. It keeps her amused while we are busy with some household chores, work etc. She has learnt a lot by using her tablet; she listens and sings lot of rhymes, plays on interactive apps, does lot of preschool activities. However I try to restrict her screen time not more then 1-1.5 hour each day as she had heavy meltdowns when IPad was taken away from her. Also I noticed her behavior bit off. She acted & behaved lot like little cartoons, she talked lot like (spoilt brat) Peppa from Peppa pig.

How we wean Siddhi from her IPad habit read on.

Recently Android announced Find my phone app for Android. Here

Find my phone

It helps us locate stolen or missing phone of your spouse, children and friends.Apple has its equivalent app from many days that I am using the app Find my IPhone almost from one other reason.

One day when we couldn’t locate my husband’s iPhone I used Find my iPhone app to locate it. We can locate it by triggering a beep sound in the device that needs to be located. We decided to trick my daughter to think that IPAD is discharged when it makes this beep sound.

To avoid meltdown due to IPad being taken away from Siddhi we installed Find my IPhone on her IPad too and we told her if there is sound on IPAD that means it needs charging, and it will continue beeping till it was closed.

When it was time up I opened Find my IPhone app, locate Ipad (which wasnt lost) played sound (which was meant to actually find the location in case it is lost) from my IPhone, that made her to think that IPad needs to be charged. Tadaaa…She brings it to me & says “Mama Ipad dischald” in her cute voice.

I don’t know if it is wrong to trick her, but that’s what saves my sanity from having tantrums by otherwise helpful tool.

Can you balance ?

You can lay a long wood panel attached to the floor.Next challenge her to standing on one food . Also can she hop on one foot.

Also you can twist a act by handing a book in her hand while walking on the panel. This will help develop her balance.